I'm going to throw out a few
situations that come up with men that you might
be wondering how to handle.
Then I'm going to show you what to do in
these situations.
Let's get started...
Here are some of the most common questions,
statements, and scenarios that women I've talked
to and helped in my seminars and programs talk
about...
See if you identify with any of these:
-"I don't have a problem meeting men, but I
seem to attract all the WRONG GUYS. Why is this?"
-"I've been hurt before, and I don't feel like
getting back out there and dating again. How do
I get myself to a place where I can open up to
a man again and go about this?"
-"I'd love to be with a great guy and enjoy a
close and loving relationship... but there don't
seem to be any good single guys around. Where can
I meet a genuinely good guy?"
-"The moment I finally do see or meet a great
guy, I get nervous and uncertain and I don't
really know what to do or say to get his
attention and interest. What should I do, and
how do I know if a guy is interested?"
-"I've heard that other women have met their
boyfriends or husbands online, but online dating
is not for me." Or... "I tried online dating and
it didn't work for me."
Let's get right to the first scenario and
the question that goes along with it-
Scenario #1:
"I don't have a problem meeting men, but I
seem to attract all the WRONG GUYS. Why is this?"
If I had a nickel for every time a woman
shared this experience with me... then I'd be
VERY well off.
The fascinating part is that almost every
woman who shares this experience seems to believe
she's one of the only "unlucky" women around
who has this problem.
Meanwhile... TONS of other women have this
exact same problem of dating all the "wrong
men."
What's going on here?
Let's break the situation down and take a
closer look.
I'll start from the very beginning...
You meet a guy, you feel a strong level of
chemistry and connection for him, and you get
involved with him.
Then comes your first mistake-
Only AFTER THE FACT, once you've already
become sexual and intimate with him, do you
start to find out who he REALLY IS and what
he REALLY WANTS-
He wants his "freedom."
Or...
He's not looking for a "serious relationship"
right now.
Or...
"It's not you, it's him. He's just not ready."
Of course, hearing this AFTER you've already
spent time with a man, become intimate, and grown
more and more ATTACHED to him is a total WHACK
upside the head for you.
I'm betting at least one of these reasons a
man can give for NOT wanting to be with you
sounds strangely familiar.
If you've had this happen to you with a man,
and perhaps had it happen more than once... the
question is how come this kind of thing is so
common with men?
How come a man will PULL AWAY even when you
really hit it off and there's a great relationship
right in front of you both?
And why do so many men so often use these same
"excuses"?
Is it because men really and truly are
AFRAID OF RELATIONSHIPS?
Or is there something else going on?
Something a little deeper than a man suddenly
pulling away out of fear, or for no good reason
at all.
I'm going to suggest to you that there is
in fact something else going on at a deeper level.
The best place to start is to address the
idea or belief that way too many men are afraid
of relationships.
I have a very different perspective on this
than you might have heard before.
I DON'T believe that men are afraid of real
relationships.
Not at all.
I believe that men simply don't care much
about relationships until they feel and experience
that intense flood of EMOTIONS that takes over
their body and mind.
And that flood of feelings and emotions that
takes over a man's thoughts and desires, and is
capable of literally causing a man to do a
complete 180 degree turn away from his prior
wants and beliefs, is commonly referred to as
ATTRACTION.
Of course, when I'm talking about this kind
of powerful and transformative force... I'm not
just talking about your run of the mill "Physical
Attraction."
A man can experience that 3 times a day
simply by laying eyes on a woman.
This kind of Physical Attraction has very
little to do with WHY a man will want a REAL
RELATIONSHIP with a woman (although it is also a
necessary component).
In other words, there's something else a man
must experience with a woman that goes DEEPER
than just that PHYSICAL ATTRACTION.
And if you don't know what this other thing
is, how it works, and how to create it inside a
man once you're getting to know each other and
"dating"... then it's going to be VERY DIFFICULT
for a close, loving, and lasting relationship to
come together.
To put it bluntly, without this "other level
of attraction"... a man just isn't going to feel
it for you in a way that will have him pursuing
you for more and wanting to get even closer to
you.
Instead, he'll simply be satisfied with
spending time here and there with you on a
"casual" basis... and he won't have much interest
or desire to get much closer to you in love and
a relationship.
This is how a man works.
If he doesn't FEEL IT with you... then no
amount of TALKING to him about opening up or
COMMITTMENT is going to move things along.
In fact, if you try and talk your way into
a relationship with a man "logically"... odds
are it's going to completely BACKFIRE and he's
going to become increasingly DISTANT and
eventually pull away altogether.
You've seen this happen before.
Don't keep making the same mistake so many
other women make trying to CONVINCE a man to
engage in a relationship... when the only way
a man truly gets involved and STAYS with a woman
is when the emotional experiences he's having
with a woman (the deeper attraction) tells him
that this is the one woman for him.
And if you're single and just starting off
with "dating" and meeting new men... it's a
whole different situation than when you're
already with a man and you want to take the
attraction and connection between you to the
next level.
In that case, you need to know how to find,
identify, and capture the RIGHT MAN'S attention
and interest... and then you need to know how
the dating process works with a man.
Once you learn all this, moving from first
meeting to the first few dates to a growing
and thriving relationship becomes easy... as
you know all the steps along the way and can
easily move from one to the next with the man
in your life.
Don't let the common "traps" that other women
fall into with dating get in your way.
For the ultimate guide to meeting a great
guy and getting things started off right, and
to get to the very bottom of the things that
keep getting in your way of creating a truly
loving and lasting relationship from the start...
you need to check out my "Meeting The One"
program.
In the letter I've written with all the
details and samples from this program, I share
the single most important thing you need to
know as a single woman dating a man that will
INSTANTLY TURN OFF the right man and cause him
to suddenly pull away.
If you don't know what this is, and why so
many women make this same mistake, then you're
bound to keep messing things up and pushing the
man who could be the right one for you away.
Ok, back to it.
Are men really afraid of relationships?
I'll give it to you straight:
I don't believe that men are inherently
afraid of or resistant to "real relationships"-
even though I'm sure you have your own "proof"
to the contrary.
Here's how I know I'm right...
How many times have you known a man who was
a friend, or dated a man, who was intent on
staying single... and even shunned what could have
been a great relationship with an amazing woman
just because he didn't want a "serious
relationship"?
But then, just a few weeks or months later,
that man met another woman. And within just a
few weeks with this new woman he was COMPLETELY
SPRUNG and head over heels for her... and he
was BEGGING HER for a committed relationship?
Fascinating...
If you're like most women, then you've seen
several men you know do this "instant switch"
thing where all of a sudden they want a serious
relationship... when all they could talk about
before was being "on their own."
Here's the reality...
Most men are never "ready" for a relationship.
It's not until they FEEL the magical feelings
and experiences with a woman that tell them that
"Hey, this is the woman for me" do most men want
a relationship.
To make a long story short... love and a
LASTING RELATIONSHIP are very rarely DECISIONS
that a man makes or plans for.
Love and a lasting relationship is something
that a man discovers when a woman affects him
in a deep, intense, emotional way to where he
literally makes a "shift"... and his old conscious
and "logical" thoughts of wanting to wait are
simply overcome with his DESIRE.
It's amazing how people (and men) really
work.
And it's even wilder that no one ever stopped
to tell us these things about human nature.
Now, you might be asking yourself... "How
does this all relate to the initial question
of how come so many women choose the wrong men?"
Here's how...
Just like a man, when a woman FEELS that
intense physical AND emotional connection with
a man... she's often carried away by it.
And when this happens, something fascinating
takes place inside the minds and bodies of most
women...
They start to believe that the CONNECTION
they feel with a man is in and of itself PROOF
that this is a "special" situation that is going
to become a deeper relationship... and that the
man must be sharing these same feelings.
When the truth is that, to a man, the
CONNECTION that they feel with a woman early on
can have nothing to do with whether or not they
want a RELATIONSHIP with a woman.
A man who DOESN'T yet feel like he wants a
relationship with a woman can do the following:
-Call a woman, spend time with her, and get
physically and sexually involved with her
-Compliment her, tell her she's beautiful,
and buy her gifts or bring her flowers
-Spend time with her over a period of weeks or
months and still think of things as "casually
dating" with no commitment or "relationship"
What I'm getting at here is that there's
a DANGER in "dating" if you don't understand
how men think and behave when it comes to dating
and what constitutes a "relationship" to a man.
I call this "The Danger Of A Connection."
It's because of the connection that you
feel with a man, you mistakenly believe and
start acting as though he's interested in a
more serious relationship, when he's not there
yet in his mind.
(By the way - this is one of the quickest
ways to make a man PULL AWAY and kill the
ATTRACTION he might have been feeling for you
and stop what you had growing between you dead
in it's tracks.)
I can't tell you how many women meet a great
guy, feel that spark, spend time with a man and
share affection... and then totally MISUNDERSTAND
his desire for a relationship because they become
convinced that he must share the same feelings
they have.
And this is the number one complaint I hear
from great women - that they meet a great guy,
hit it off, they get close and intimate, and then
the guy backs off and they think-
"Argggh! Why do I always pick these same
loser commitment-phobes!?!"
If you're reading this right now and thinking,
"I can TOTALLY relate to this"... I want to help
you quickly turn things around.
To put an end to the Ups-and-Downs of
dating, and to finally have the amazing love
life you want and deserve, I've put together
what might be the best, single, easy to get your
hands on and use resource around-
In my ebook "Catch Him & Keep Him" you'll
not only learn to get to THE ROOT of this
problem when dating and connecting with men and
having them PULL AWAY or turn out to be anything
but the right guy for you.
Dating doesn't have to be filled with "games,"
uncertainty, or even "drama"... if you know how
a man thinks and what to do to truly connect with
a man on a deep level and start the kind of real
relationship you want.
It would be great if you could simply skip
the dating process and dive right into a safe
and secure loving relationship.
I would want that for you...
But that's not how things start off.
Now, since we both probably don't have much
more time right now to cover the other scenarios
from above... I'll give you a little shortcut or
"cheat-sheet."
Scenario #2:
-"I've been hurt before, and I don't feel like
getting back out there and dating again. How do
I get myself to a place where I can open up to
a man again and go about this?"
The short answer is to get back in touch with
that strong, loving, feminine, beautiful woman
who's already inside you... but who's having a
tough time shining through right now.
cenario #3:
-"I'd love to be with a great guy and enjoy a
close and loving relationship... but there don't
seem to be any good single guys around. Where can
I meet a genuinely good guy?"
Scenario #4:
-"The moment I finally do see or meet a great
guy, I get nervous and uncertain and I don't
really know what to do or say to get his
attention and interest. What should I do, and
how do I know if a guy is interested?"
Scenario #5:
-"I've heard that other women have met their
boyfriends or husbands online, but online dating
is not for me." Or... "I tried online dating and
it didn't work for me."
I've taken the time to put together an
entire guide to online dating.
It shows you not only an easy step-by-step
to write the kind of PROFILE that will both
attract the right men and screen out all the
wrong ones online... but it will quickly have
the right men contacting YOU and wanting your
time and attention - for the right reasons.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
How to Ask a Woman Out
Did you notice how she started to GIGGLE
at every silly comment or joke you made? This
is exactly the level you want to be at with a woman:
When she starts to think "He's so cute".
If you did, then you are finally getting it how to
TURN UP the heat and create attraction.
To answer your question "how to ask a woman out",
I want you to think of something first.
How do guys ask women out in general?
How have YOU asked women out in the past?
Can you remember what you said? Could it be
that you may have said something like this:
"Listen, would you like to have a drink sometime?"
"Why dont you give me your number?"
"Do you want to go to the movies with me tonight?"
"Can I invite you to dinner?"
"You wanna hang out?"
I bet most guys have USED some of these lines
before to ask an attractive woman out on a date.
I want you to be aware of something really
important here. You see, most men are so alike
they always use the same lines over and over
again. Now why on earth would you want to use
the exact same stuff EVERYBODY ELSE uses
as well?
Does that make you different?
Does that make you stand out from the
crowd?
Does it make you original?
Of course NOT. One of the KEY lessons
you should have learned from my free e-courses
is to be DIFFERENT!
If you are indifferent, you are just like
any other guy out there and this doesnt
really make you interesting to women,
does it?
Next time you want to ask a woman out
on a date, first make sure she feels the gut
level of attraction towards you first. Then you
can pretty much say anything like:
"Hey I need to go shopping tomorrow,
wanna come along? You can carry my bags
IF you're nice".
See how women can smile so widely on
that one little comment and LOVE you for the
rest of their lives.
Be different and dont act like you are
desperate and needy for sex! Be cool, relax
and treat her like she is your bratty little sister.
If you dont really care if she tags along or not,
it will definitely come off very naturally.
Women dont want to go out with a guy
who is insecure, needy and says that he
really likes her on the first date. This will
only freak a woman out!
Next time when you are about to ask a
woman out, ask yourself if you have created
enough attraction BEFORE you go for it. If
she doesnt feel the same way towards you
as you may to her, she will decline.
at every silly comment or joke you made? This
is exactly the level you want to be at with a woman:
When she starts to think "He's so cute".
If you did, then you are finally getting it how to
TURN UP the heat and create attraction.
To answer your question "how to ask a woman out",
I want you to think of something first.
How do guys ask women out in general?
How have YOU asked women out in the past?
Can you remember what you said? Could it be
that you may have said something like this:
"Listen, would you like to have a drink sometime?"
"Why dont you give me your number?"
"Do you want to go to the movies with me tonight?"
"Can I invite you to dinner?"
"You wanna hang out?"
I bet most guys have USED some of these lines
before to ask an attractive woman out on a date.
I want you to be aware of something really
important here. You see, most men are so alike
they always use the same lines over and over
again. Now why on earth would you want to use
the exact same stuff EVERYBODY ELSE uses
as well?
Does that make you different?
Does that make you stand out from the
crowd?
Does it make you original?
Of course NOT. One of the KEY lessons
you should have learned from my free e-courses
is to be DIFFERENT!
If you are indifferent, you are just like
any other guy out there and this doesnt
really make you interesting to women,
does it?
Next time you want to ask a woman out
on a date, first make sure she feels the gut
level of attraction towards you first. Then you
can pretty much say anything like:
"Hey I need to go shopping tomorrow,
wanna come along? You can carry my bags
IF you're nice".
See how women can smile so widely on
that one little comment and LOVE you for the
rest of their lives.
Be different and dont act like you are
desperate and needy for sex! Be cool, relax
and treat her like she is your bratty little sister.
If you dont really care if she tags along or not,
it will definitely come off very naturally.
Women dont want to go out with a guy
who is insecure, needy and says that he
really likes her on the first date. This will
only freak a woman out!
Next time when you are about to ask a
woman out, ask yourself if you have created
enough attraction BEFORE you go for it. If
she doesnt feel the same way towards you
as you may to her, she will decline.
2 Sure-Fire Ways To Identify & Attract A Great Guy
If you've ever wondered about what draws a man
in to connect deeply with a woman early so he
can't help but want to see her again (for more
than just a fling) then keep reading...
I'm about to share secrets about meeting and
ATTRACTING great men that some women know but
won't tell you, or can't explain.
You're also about to hear insights into how
attraction, dating, and relationships honestly
work for men, and what to do about it.
Here we go...
Have you ever noticed that just talking to men
for the first time, getting to know each other,
and exchanging contact information can turn into
some kind of impossible puzzle or "game?"
And the more you think about it or about trying
new things, the more you just want to avoid the
whole thing?
It's frustrating and annoying, right?
Does it have to be so much work?
Can't we both just be ourselves and get past
all the tricks, games, etc.?
Well, the truth is, it doesn't have to be such
an ordeal and seem like such a game...if, and only
if, you know how attraction works for a man.
I'll repeat that.
It doesn't have to be a game IF, and only if,
you know how attraction works for HIM.
Notice that I didn't say how attraction works
for YOU.
Have you ever thought about how attraction
actually works for men, and how it could be
different than how it works for you?
Well, then let me ask you...
Do you know what makes the difference between a
man flirting and perhaps feeling some "physical
attraction" for you, and a man who becomes almost
INSTANTLY CONNECTED and attracted to you on a
deeper physical AND emotional level?
I'll give you a minute to think about the
question...
Got it yet?
Give up?
The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how
things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or
"strategy" just hasn't seemed to work out so well
in their long, and sometimes disappointing,
relationship history.
And the crazier part is that most women never
really change their ideas or "strategies" on how
they go about finding and creating love,
connection, and commitment in their lives with
men, even when they just aren't working.
So how can YOU change your ideas and
"strategies" to find and create a strong love
connection that really LASTS?
I'll share the answer with you in just a
minute, but first I'd like to talk about HOW
ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and
early on in the "casual dating" stage.
Then we'll look at the "deeper" kind of
attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk
about some specific "how-to's" that will instantly
take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free
level as you and a man get closer and closer.
CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT
IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START
Have you had several relationships fall apart
in the past, the same way with different men?
And when it happened, did you start to think
that all men have a common set of problems or
"issues" that they can't see for themselves, let
alone do anything about?
Well, if you recognize this, then odds are
you've also had that fear and doubt in the back of
your mind that there was also something wrong with
YOU here, not just with him.
And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself
for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.
Ouch! Don't go to that negative place.
The truth is that you're not alone, and the
good news is that it doesn't take months or years
of therapy to find your own understanding of how
things REALLY work with men, and to stop being so
hard on yourself about it.
And it doesn't take months of intense schooling
or training to change your love life for the
better and get back to that open, connected,
loving place with a man - a place that you know is
there for you.
Let's talk about how things often work in those
first encounters between men and women, and what's
going on underneath the surface here... because
first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.
Why?
The short explanation is that men make almost
INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a
woman right when they first meet them.
Everything that happens after a man has a first
impression of a woman logged in his mind gets
"filtered" through that impression, and it colors
almost everything he sees and feels.
So what impression are you making?
Do you know?
And what impression is THE BEST ONE to make?
Let's start with the basics and look at the
situation early on when a man asks a woman for her
number.
When this happens for a man, it generally
means one of several things:
- "I think you're interesting enough to see again
and find out if I could be attracted to you..."
(not feeling much attraction or connection yet,
but curious)
- "I had a great time talking and I'd like to do
it again sometime..." (likes the conversation and
attention, but he doesn't "feel it" yet, even
though there's a "logical" or rational connection
or bond with things in common)
- "I'm physically attracted to you, and I want to
hook up with you, but I haven't really thought
about anything else it might lead to or mean for
me..." (feeling just a physical attraction, with
no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting
physical)
- "I feel attracted to you, and maybe "something
more"... so I want to see you again to explore
these feelings and find out what you're really all
about..." (feeling both a physical attraction AND
a deeper connection)
Any of these look familiar in hindsight?
Well, for women who are in a place where they
want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it's
important to know what a man is thinking early on
and where he's already at from the start.
NOT finding this out is one of the biggest
mistakes that women make because they invest
a TON of their precious time and energy with
a guy who has no plans for having a deeper,
loving, lasting relationship.
So... you may want to read that last sentence
again -- it's ESSENTIAL to achieving success in
the next relationship you start with a man.
Here are some quick communication tips for you
to think about and use early on with men to help
identify the good guys from the ones that don't
have a clue:
1. Don't Be Afraid To Ask Questions
So many times I hear women talk about how they
don't ever want to come off as needy, "bitchy,"
pushy, etc. with guys.
And often times, women will say something like,
"I don't want to scare him off..."
Two things are important to know here about
asking questions and finding out the "real deal"
early on:
A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and
resistance to commitment and relationships will
actually get "scared off" IF a woman asks
questions in a mature, playful, and conversational
way.
The upside here is that emotionally mature and
open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.
In fact, direct questions, communicated in the
right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind
of guy you're dealing with - plus they provide you
with all kinds of answers about the man's real
character and mindset by his response.
But some women refuse to believe that men can
communicate on this open level because of their
experience.
I want you to go back to the sentence above
about immature men. And now I want you to notice
the "IF" there...
"IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE... way."
It makes all the difference.
So often we get caught up in our own
perspective, or dealing with and breaking through
resistance and fear, that we don't realize how
much it affects our own subtle communication.
(Think body language, voice tone and pattern,
heart rate, etc.)
B. Context is EVERYTHING
Have you ever noticed that you can say almost
anything and have it mean almost anything, just by
changing the look on your face when you say it,
the tone of your voice, or the emotional state
you're in?
It's fascinating to watch men and women
communicate, because up to 90 percent of the
things we learn and identify about each
other happens through silent, indirect
communication.
But sometimes you don't get the whole story,
right?
Exactly. So it's important to be able to ask
questions to find out what you need to know.
Like whether he's genuinely ATTRACTED to you,
or if he's just a player looking for a quick
connection... and then he's "out."
One great question I've heard women ask men is,
"What kind of woman do you respect?"
Asking this question in a playful way sets the
right tone for a man to respond in a way that
creates attraction without putting a man "on the
spot." This not only challenges a man in a playful
way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot
by how he responds.
But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication
is the key... If you say that, and it's all about
an "agenda," such as finding the love of your life
in your first meeting at a bar..., then I promise
it's not going to go over well.
(But you already knew that... wink wink)
On the flipside, if what you're indirectly and
silently communicating is that your questions are
about fun, learning, and most importantly -
CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep
FEELING that connection to you, and respond in
kind.
2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM
There are several key "attitudes" and mindsets
that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to
and seek out in women that they like to spend
their time with.
When men interact with a woman and they see and
FEEL these attitudes and "ways of being," they
become instantly attracted... and often don't even
know why.
In fact, many times they can't help but want to
commit to something more serious with these women,
even if they didn't consciously want more coming
into the relationship.
Let me share with you one of the secrets of how
ATTRACTION works for men...
One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes
or qualities for men is when a woman is
UNPREDICTABLE.
I don't mean unpredictable in that she might
lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset,
frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else
around her.
No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most
healthy men...
The unpredictability I'm talking about is being
playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.
The way that YOU answer questions in that
initial conversation with a man can also TRIGGER
attraction. A great example is when a man asks,
"So, what do you do?"
Here's the boring, PREDICTABLE response that
might seem very "nice" and appropriate, but
doesn't create attraction: "I'm an accountant and
I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L."
Or, "I do PR, and I work with so and so clients
who had me create a campaign about blah blah
blah..."
But wait... these are interesting things about
you as a person that someone should know about and
value, right?
Yes, but guess what?
Predictable responses make for great
conversation to get to know each other - if you
want to be JUST FRIENDS.
And yes, your career might be great and say
important things about you, but you've got to
realize that it doesn't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION
for you.
Just like it's not a man's career that makes
him attractive... it's his personality, the
chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he
does.
Following me here?
Good.
So instead, find a way to keep him guessing...
Tell him some made-up career that's ridiculous,
silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you're
having fun with him.
In case you didn't realize it, men will
have MUCH more fun trying to GUESS and think about
what you really do, rather then just hearing it
from you right away.
If you think about the animal kingdom, the
female of the species usually selects her mate
by either accepting or rejecting the male's
advances and courtship behaviors.
The same pattern has gone on with humans for
hundreds and thousands of years. By "playing the
courtship game" with a man, you are appealing to
deeply ingrained patterns within him -- things
that he is not even consciously aware of.
For example, if you're at a bar, tell him "I'm
a social scientist doing research here to uncover
how 'beer-goggles' really work on men."
And then you say, with a wry smile on your face
as you look at him in a playful and fake
suspicious way, "How many drinks have YOU had?"
Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you're
doing and JUMP into the fun with you... and he'll
probably even make up a silly joke career of his
own to kind of challenge you back and take things
up a notch.
And now you've got a fun, engaging
connection... instead of a predictable,
emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation
about your real jobs.
There's plenty of time later to get to those
things by the way and cover the predictable life
stuff. But if a man doesn't FEEL ATTRACTION from
the start, on a deep emotional level, then
everything else will be more difficult and move
slowly (if at all) with him.
Create the attraction first, and everything
else will follow.
HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND
LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN
So I've given you some quick tips on how
attraction works, and some basic "how-to's" to
think about for first impressions and early on.
But we've just touched the tip of the iceberg
about how men really think and feel when it comes
to dating.
This is by no means all "the goods." In fact,
attraction is THE cornerstone to creating any
successful relationship with a man -- so much
so that I created an entire program with women,
for women called "Natural & Lasting Attraction."
This program was filmed before an audience of
women and we covered an AMAZING amount of
material.
If you want to go quickly and easily with a man
from "Hello..." to a first date.
And then from meeting up again, to talking
and sharing deeper things about each other...
And then from physical attraction to a more
lasting "emotional attraction"...
And end up all the way to him saying, "I have
to tell you, something. I think I love you..."
Now back to it...
I'd like to answer the question from earlier
about what makes the difference between a man that
is interested in a woman, but it probably won't go
further than some physical connection, and a man
that feels a deep emotional connection and
attraction for a woman and wants to be with her?
Well, most women learn at a relatively early
age that men can experience just a physical
attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this
with something more.
So what is that "something more" than Physical
Attraction?
It's what I call "Intellectual Attraction" and
it's that feeling a man has for a woman that will
have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a
committed, loving relationship.
The entire first section of my ebook, "Inside
The Mind Of A Man," will give you a clear
understanding of how men really and truly think
about women, dating, and relationships.
You'll have a fresh perspective on how to
improve your love life just by reading this
section and understanding more about what's really
going on with men.
I've also devoted an entire section to the
specific communication and behaviors that
naturally create a deeper, more emotional
connection with a man.
The last thing to remember is that you
shouldn't do all "the work" in a relationship just
to try and make things good with a man.
If you learn how to create a deeper connection
with a man and have him feeling more than just
physical attraction, then he'll be more open,
sharing and easy to talk to, and make things
better for you both.
So don't stay stuck in the same old patterns
and strategies that haven't completely served you
well with men.
in to connect deeply with a woman early so he
can't help but want to see her again (for more
than just a fling) then keep reading...
I'm about to share secrets about meeting and
ATTRACTING great men that some women know but
won't tell you, or can't explain.
You're also about to hear insights into how
attraction, dating, and relationships honestly
work for men, and what to do about it.
Here we go...
Have you ever noticed that just talking to men
for the first time, getting to know each other,
and exchanging contact information can turn into
some kind of impossible puzzle or "game?"
And the more you think about it or about trying
new things, the more you just want to avoid the
whole thing?
It's frustrating and annoying, right?
Does it have to be so much work?
Can't we both just be ourselves and get past
all the tricks, games, etc.?
Well, the truth is, it doesn't have to be such
an ordeal and seem like such a game...if, and only
if, you know how attraction works for a man.
I'll repeat that.
It doesn't have to be a game IF, and only if,
you know how attraction works for HIM.
Notice that I didn't say how attraction works
for YOU.
Have you ever thought about how attraction
actually works for men, and how it could be
different than how it works for you?
Well, then let me ask you...
Do you know what makes the difference between a
man flirting and perhaps feeling some "physical
attraction" for you, and a man who becomes almost
INSTANTLY CONNECTED and attracted to you on a
deeper physical AND emotional level?
I'll give you a minute to think about the
question...
Got it yet?
Give up?
The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how
things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or
"strategy" just hasn't seemed to work out so well
in their long, and sometimes disappointing,
relationship history.
And the crazier part is that most women never
really change their ideas or "strategies" on how
they go about finding and creating love,
connection, and commitment in their lives with
men, even when they just aren't working.
So how can YOU change your ideas and
"strategies" to find and create a strong love
connection that really LASTS?
I'll share the answer with you in just a
minute, but first I'd like to talk about HOW
ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and
early on in the "casual dating" stage.
Then we'll look at the "deeper" kind of
attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk
about some specific "how-to's" that will instantly
take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free
level as you and a man get closer and closer.
CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT
IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START
Have you had several relationships fall apart
in the past, the same way with different men?
And when it happened, did you start to think
that all men have a common set of problems or
"issues" that they can't see for themselves, let
alone do anything about?
Well, if you recognize this, then odds are
you've also had that fear and doubt in the back of
your mind that there was also something wrong with
YOU here, not just with him.
And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself
for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.
Ouch! Don't go to that negative place.
The truth is that you're not alone, and the
good news is that it doesn't take months or years
of therapy to find your own understanding of how
things REALLY work with men, and to stop being so
hard on yourself about it.
And it doesn't take months of intense schooling
or training to change your love life for the
better and get back to that open, connected,
loving place with a man - a place that you know is
there for you.
Let's talk about how things often work in those
first encounters between men and women, and what's
going on underneath the surface here... because
first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.
Why?
The short explanation is that men make almost
INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a
woman right when they first meet them.
Everything that happens after a man has a first
impression of a woman logged in his mind gets
"filtered" through that impression, and it colors
almost everything he sees and feels.
So what impression are you making?
Do you know?
And what impression is THE BEST ONE to make?
Let's start with the basics and look at the
situation early on when a man asks a woman for her
number.
When this happens for a man, it generally
means one of several things:
- "I think you're interesting enough to see again
and find out if I could be attracted to you..."
(not feeling much attraction or connection yet,
but curious)
- "I had a great time talking and I'd like to do
it again sometime..." (likes the conversation and
attention, but he doesn't "feel it" yet, even
though there's a "logical" or rational connection
or bond with things in common)
- "I'm physically attracted to you, and I want to
hook up with you, but I haven't really thought
about anything else it might lead to or mean for
me..." (feeling just a physical attraction, with
no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting
physical)
- "I feel attracted to you, and maybe "something
more"... so I want to see you again to explore
these feelings and find out what you're really all
about..." (feeling both a physical attraction AND
a deeper connection)
Any of these look familiar in hindsight?
Well, for women who are in a place where they
want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it's
important to know what a man is thinking early on
and where he's already at from the start.
NOT finding this out is one of the biggest
mistakes that women make because they invest
a TON of their precious time and energy with
a guy who has no plans for having a deeper,
loving, lasting relationship.
So... you may want to read that last sentence
again -- it's ESSENTIAL to achieving success in
the next relationship you start with a man.
Here are some quick communication tips for you
to think about and use early on with men to help
identify the good guys from the ones that don't
have a clue:
1. Don't Be Afraid To Ask Questions
So many times I hear women talk about how they
don't ever want to come off as needy, "bitchy,"
pushy, etc. with guys.
And often times, women will say something like,
"I don't want to scare him off..."
Two things are important to know here about
asking questions and finding out the "real deal"
early on:
A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and
resistance to commitment and relationships will
actually get "scared off" IF a woman asks
questions in a mature, playful, and conversational
way.
The upside here is that emotionally mature and
open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.
In fact, direct questions, communicated in the
right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind
of guy you're dealing with - plus they provide you
with all kinds of answers about the man's real
character and mindset by his response.
But some women refuse to believe that men can
communicate on this open level because of their
experience.
I want you to go back to the sentence above
about immature men. And now I want you to notice
the "IF" there...
"IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE... way."
It makes all the difference.
So often we get caught up in our own
perspective, or dealing with and breaking through
resistance and fear, that we don't realize how
much it affects our own subtle communication.
(Think body language, voice tone and pattern,
heart rate, etc.)
B. Context is EVERYTHING
Have you ever noticed that you can say almost
anything and have it mean almost anything, just by
changing the look on your face when you say it,
the tone of your voice, or the emotional state
you're in?
It's fascinating to watch men and women
communicate, because up to 90 percent of the
things we learn and identify about each
other happens through silent, indirect
communication.
But sometimes you don't get the whole story,
right?
Exactly. So it's important to be able to ask
questions to find out what you need to know.
Like whether he's genuinely ATTRACTED to you,
or if he's just a player looking for a quick
connection... and then he's "out."
One great question I've heard women ask men is,
"What kind of woman do you respect?"
Asking this question in a playful way sets the
right tone for a man to respond in a way that
creates attraction without putting a man "on the
spot." This not only challenges a man in a playful
way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot
by how he responds.
But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication
is the key... If you say that, and it's all about
an "agenda," such as finding the love of your life
in your first meeting at a bar..., then I promise
it's not going to go over well.
(But you already knew that... wink wink)
On the flipside, if what you're indirectly and
silently communicating is that your questions are
about fun, learning, and most importantly -
CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep
FEELING that connection to you, and respond in
kind.
2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM
There are several key "attitudes" and mindsets
that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to
and seek out in women that they like to spend
their time with.
When men interact with a woman and they see and
FEEL these attitudes and "ways of being," they
become instantly attracted... and often don't even
know why.
In fact, many times they can't help but want to
commit to something more serious with these women,
even if they didn't consciously want more coming
into the relationship.
Let me share with you one of the secrets of how
ATTRACTION works for men...
One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes
or qualities for men is when a woman is
UNPREDICTABLE.
I don't mean unpredictable in that she might
lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset,
frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else
around her.
No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most
healthy men...
The unpredictability I'm talking about is being
playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.
The way that YOU answer questions in that
initial conversation with a man can also TRIGGER
attraction. A great example is when a man asks,
"So, what do you do?"
Here's the boring, PREDICTABLE response that
might seem very "nice" and appropriate, but
doesn't create attraction: "I'm an accountant and
I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L."
Or, "I do PR, and I work with so and so clients
who had me create a campaign about blah blah
blah..."
But wait... these are interesting things about
you as a person that someone should know about and
value, right?
Yes, but guess what?
Predictable responses make for great
conversation to get to know each other - if you
want to be JUST FRIENDS.
And yes, your career might be great and say
important things about you, but you've got to
realize that it doesn't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION
for you.
Just like it's not a man's career that makes
him attractive... it's his personality, the
chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he
does.
Following me here?
Good.
So instead, find a way to keep him guessing...
Tell him some made-up career that's ridiculous,
silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you're
having fun with him.
In case you didn't realize it, men will
have MUCH more fun trying to GUESS and think about
what you really do, rather then just hearing it
from you right away.
If you think about the animal kingdom, the
female of the species usually selects her mate
by either accepting or rejecting the male's
advances and courtship behaviors.
The same pattern has gone on with humans for
hundreds and thousands of years. By "playing the
courtship game" with a man, you are appealing to
deeply ingrained patterns within him -- things
that he is not even consciously aware of.
For example, if you're at a bar, tell him "I'm
a social scientist doing research here to uncover
how 'beer-goggles' really work on men."
And then you say, with a wry smile on your face
as you look at him in a playful and fake
suspicious way, "How many drinks have YOU had?"
Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you're
doing and JUMP into the fun with you... and he'll
probably even make up a silly joke career of his
own to kind of challenge you back and take things
up a notch.
And now you've got a fun, engaging
connection... instead of a predictable,
emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation
about your real jobs.
There's plenty of time later to get to those
things by the way and cover the predictable life
stuff. But if a man doesn't FEEL ATTRACTION from
the start, on a deep emotional level, then
everything else will be more difficult and move
slowly (if at all) with him.
Create the attraction first, and everything
else will follow.
HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND
LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN
So I've given you some quick tips on how
attraction works, and some basic "how-to's" to
think about for first impressions and early on.
But we've just touched the tip of the iceberg
about how men really think and feel when it comes
to dating.
This is by no means all "the goods." In fact,
attraction is THE cornerstone to creating any
successful relationship with a man -- so much
so that I created an entire program with women,
for women called "Natural & Lasting Attraction."
This program was filmed before an audience of
women and we covered an AMAZING amount of
material.
If you want to go quickly and easily with a man
from "Hello..." to a first date.
And then from meeting up again, to talking
and sharing deeper things about each other...
And then from physical attraction to a more
lasting "emotional attraction"...
And end up all the way to him saying, "I have
to tell you, something. I think I love you..."
Now back to it...
I'd like to answer the question from earlier
about what makes the difference between a man that
is interested in a woman, but it probably won't go
further than some physical connection, and a man
that feels a deep emotional connection and
attraction for a woman and wants to be with her?
Well, most women learn at a relatively early
age that men can experience just a physical
attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this
with something more.
So what is that "something more" than Physical
Attraction?
It's what I call "Intellectual Attraction" and
it's that feeling a man has for a woman that will
have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a
committed, loving relationship.
The entire first section of my ebook, "Inside
The Mind Of A Man," will give you a clear
understanding of how men really and truly think
about women, dating, and relationships.
You'll have a fresh perspective on how to
improve your love life just by reading this
section and understanding more about what's really
going on with men.
I've also devoted an entire section to the
specific communication and behaviors that
naturally create a deeper, more emotional
connection with a man.
The last thing to remember is that you
shouldn't do all "the work" in a relationship just
to try and make things good with a man.
If you learn how to create a deeper connection
with a man and have him feeling more than just
physical attraction, then he'll be more open,
sharing and easy to talk to, and make things
better for you both.
So don't stay stuck in the same old patterns
and strategies that haven't completely served you
well with men.
Secrets To Nurture Your New Relationship
et me share an important insight
about relationships, and a few tips with you.
I'll start here:
What do you think is the single most important
thing that makes or breaks your new relationship?
I'll tell you-
After that initial ATTRACTION is created and
shared between you both... the single most
important part of your new relationship is the
level of COMMUNICATION you and a man share.
I'll get right to the point regarding how
this important part of relationships is working
out for YOU-
Does the way you and the man in your life
communicate make you feel loved and appreciated?
Or does it only frustrate you and make you
feel sad, alone, and misunderstood?
If you don't know what to say to a man to start
open conversations about your relationship and the
feelings you're both having without triggering him
to pull away... then creating a real relationship
where you can truly love and support each other is
going to be an impossible struggle.
There's an easier way...
Do you know the SECRETS that will make a man
feel excited and inspired to talk, listen, and
share his feelings with you... even if he's never
been this way before in a relationship?
The reality is, most men don't just open up
and communicate the way you want and need them to.
And because of this, lots of women end up
trying to compensate by TALKING MORE and doing
all the "work" in their relationship.
Of course, this just drains you and encourages
the man you're with to WITHDRAW even more.
The things that allow you and a man to listen,
hear and understand each other aren't "givens" in
your relationship.
Just because you have strong FEELINGS for each
other, it doesn't mean you're going to have the
kind of COMMUNICATION you need to make your
relationship truly work and LAST.
More love and sacrifice on your part is NOT
going to make the lack of communication and
sharing you have in your relationship better.
But you're thoughtful and generous for trying
this and caring enough to give even more of
yourself.
Unfortunately, stretching yourself to the point
of frustration and emotional break-down isn't
going to help you - or him.
So then what should you do?
There are a few essential "keys" to building
an "open line" of communication in your
relationship with a man that will prevent him
from closing off, withdrawing, and becoming
distant no matter what happens between you.
Do you know how to share YOUR FEELINGS with a
man (even the most intense ones that scare you
too)so that instead of getting irritated or
freaked out by them... he listens in a supportive
and understanding way?
I've been able to boil down the complex
process of what makes talking and communication
in your relationship work so that the more you
share - the more a man is drawn to you and wants
to give you love and understanding.
At the essence of what makes things work is
the "hidden message" behind what you're saying to
a man that even you aren't fully aware of - but
have everything to do with YOUR FEELINGS and the
response deep down you really want from him.
Each time you try and share something with
a man, and each time he responds to you (or
doesn't)... there's a subtle message being
communicated under the surface.
And this is going on even if you don't see
this right now, or believe it's there or not.
Each communication has what's called a "bid"
to it. And a "bid" is the hidden "subtext" that
is what we REALLY MEAN, or are really asking for.
For example, a man might say to you-
"Honey, I don't feel like talking right now"
and do it with a tone of voice that shows he's
frustrated or annoyed.
This is a "bid."
What a man REALLY MEANS when he says this is-
"I don't know if I have the ENERGY and the
desire to get into this with you, because I'm
afraid it will turn into some big emotional thing,
and I'm not willing to go there with you now."
Of course, most men aren't even fully AWARE
that this is what they're feeling or
communicating. It's just their instant EMOTIONAL
RESPONSE that isn't entirely conscious and thought
through.
Help the man in your life be the one who can
truly hear you and recognize and care for you and
your feelings... and get HIS NEEDS MET at the
same time.
Once you learn how to do this, you will
instantly become that amazing woman a man feels
relaxed, open and "free" around.
Translation - the woman he wants to STAY WITH.
Close the gap between your feelings and what
the man in your life "gets" about you.
Don't wait for things to fix themselves... or
keep waiting for a man to finally "get it" when he
hasn't figured it out after all this time and
effort.
I'm going to ask you a
similar question to the one I asked you earlier.
And I want you to think about it again with
a few things you've already learned here...
Does what you do and say with the man in your
life INSPIRE HIM to want more with you and to open
up in a way he never has before with a woman?
Or does he feel TIRED and DRAINED by you and
your relationship... and he CLOSES OFF the way a
man will when he feels emotionally overwhelmed by
a woman?
Think about him for a second... and try and
put YOUR SIDE of things and what you think he
should be thinking or doing aside.
How is he feeling?
And how is he experiencing you and your
relationship?
Think about it for a few seconds...
Oh, and don't worry - I'll get to talking about
how to make sure YOUR FEELINGS are a priority here
too... and how to get them heard.
In this email I'm going to share with you a few
inside secrets from a man's perspective on how you
could accidentally be getting in the way of the
great connection the man in your life feels when
he's with you.
If this CONNECTION is nurtured in the right
way, it can be the foundation for creating a
great RELATIONSHIP a man will beg you to commit
to with him.
If this CONNECTION is over-analyzed, questioned,
or clouded up by too much fear and anxiety and
questioning... then starting a real relationship
with a man is going to be practically impossible.
I'm sure you've heard of that whole "putting
the cart before the horse" thing.
Trying to get a man to know how he feels and
what he wants in a relationship with you before
he's even had chance to enjoy the CONNECTION you
share and discover what it means to HIM is a sure
fire way to ruin a good thing.
Please... don't do it.
The problem is, most women don't CONSCIOUSLY
choose to put the cart before the horse with a
man.
It's their EMOTIONS that call them to action
and take over.
There's nothing wrong with having your
feelings, or with sharing them.
It's healthy and important to share what's
on your mind and how you feel.
But HOW you share what you think and feel with
a man is what makes all the difference.
I'm going to show you how, without knowing
it, you could be killing that special CONNECTION
and the ATTRACTION a man feels for you.
When you get in the way of what makes a man
FEEL that intense ATTRACTION that drew him to you
in the first place, he'll do something that can
easily spell the beginning of the end-
He'll CLOSE OFF to his DESIRE for you... and
question EVERYTHING about whether you're the
right woman for him to be with and STAY with.
Which brings me to an important question I
want to ask you.
And please, answer this as honestly as you
can... as this is something that can help you
immediately.
Here's the question...
If you have a man who's acting WITHDRAWN and
pulling away from you... could it be possible that
something YOU are doing is somehow keeping him
from feeling INSPIRED to want to be with you?
And that the more you sense his hesitation
and UNCERTAINTY about you and whether he wants
to stay in your relationship... the more you
subtly REACT and RESPOND to this out of fear
and do things that only push him farther away?
Don't accidentally show a man things that will
unconsciously shift his feelings for you to a
"casual" relationship in his mind where he'll only
want to be with you as long as it's easy and
convenient for him.
I call this the "For Now" Relationship.
A man could be with you, be faithful and
committed, but only be thinking of you "for now."
On the other hand... if you know the right
things to say and do that will instantly show
him that you're the kind of woman who he would be
better off with than without... then he'll quickly
shift to what I call a "Forever" Relationship with
you.
This is where a man doesn't just think of you
and love you "for now", but forever.
*Tip: If you're finding that it's EASY to get a
guy interested at first... but HARD to find that
one truly RIGHT MAN and turn your chemistry and
connection into a great and lasting relationship
that LASTS and goes deeper than "for now" in his
mind, then it's time you stopped the common
pattern in your life too many other women share.
I'm talking about the pattern of:
1) meeting a new guy
2) getting instantly wrapped up in your new
"relationship"
3) telling yourself it's different this time
4) finding out it's not that different with this
man than it was with "the others"... even though
he's a good guy
5) trying the same things you've always tried to
fix what's not working so he'll figure it out
6) feeling shocked, drained and heartbroken
(again) when you find your back in the same place
you swore you wouldn't get into after your last
relationship
7) thinking you should give up on men and love
altogether
Why is this pattern so common?
Here's one of the big pieces of the puzzle...
Too many women make the same set of mistakes
early on when "dating" and in new relationships
that literally cause a man to shift his thinking
and feelings 180 degrees back to wanting his
"freedom" and not being "ready" for a real
relationship.
Don't let this happen to you, when you know
you are finally with the right man and you just
need to get your relationship to the right place
for love to keep blossoming.
It doesn't have to work this way where a man
always PULLS AWAY and RESISTS your love and your
relationship.
It can be easy. But only if you learn what
really works with a man and what the few simple
things are a man needs to see, feel, and
experience with you along the way so that he
doesn't question wanting to be with you and only
you.
Don't keep making the single biggest mistake
that causes a man to react and bring an early end
to your growing relationship.
I call this mistake the "Instant Relationship."
I'll explain it briefly like this...
*And here's an article I've posted online that's
all about this mistake, and what to do instead to
draw the right man to you and have him quickly
fall for you and want the kind of relationship
that will grow and last:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/MeetingTheOne
Ok, back to explaining the "Instant
Relationship."
You know how when you meet a man you're sure
is the right one for you... you can just feel it.
When you're together, you feel more comfortable
than you can remember feeling with any man.
You feel like you've known this man most of
your life... even though you've only just met.
And the CONNECTION you share is so amazing and
filled with excitement and CHEMISTRY that there's
no doubt in your mind - this could be the right
one.
As time goes on, you and he fall into a nice
little groove of spending most of your time
together and practically living your lives as
one.
But it hasn't been long at all. A few weeks
or months.
And then it happens-
He does something that let's you know he might
not be truly "in this" with you.
Something about how he talks or acts tips you
off to the fact that something has changed or
shifted about him.
So what do you do...
You ask him about it.
And you ask him to explain why he's acting
weird and different... and you tell him that it's
kind of freaking you out and hurting your
feelings.
You expect him to listen, hear you, and
respond in the sweet and loving way you've known
him to be the whole time you've been with him.
But suddenly he shows you a side of him you've
never seen before.
Suddenly he's no longer open, no longer
affectionate, and you can tell he's holding back
and closed off to you.
You decide to ask him what the deal is, and
what this relationship means to him.
You've got to know. Especially since your heart
is out there on the line... and who knows what's
really going on inside his head now.
But the more you need to hear from him on how
he's feeling... and the more you want to let him
know what's happening for you with all this...
the less he's open to talking.
In fact, the less he even wants to spend time
with you - where before he wanted to be with you
whenever he had free time.
Now he's off wanting to hang out with his
friends, or leaving town, etc.
Or worse, you learn he's out with another
woman.
Argggh... what a jerk!
You can't help wonder what in the world is
going on here, and inside his mind.
And then it hits you after him pulling away
completely-
As much as you knew this was going to be a
great relationship, and you felt how real and
special what you shared was... this wasn't a
"real" relationship at all.
He wasn't really "in it" with you - and his
behavior now shows you that it was this way all
along.
You just didn't see it before.
But he seemed so into you and your relationship,
so how could he have all of a sudden changed his
mind and pulled away?
Let's break it down on what's going on here.
There are a few fascinating things going on
you need to know about...
1) Men have different "Relationship Tempos"
A man can be with a woman, experience an
amazing and special connection with her that
he's never shared with another woman... and he
can have no desire to get into a "relationship"
with her. Even after several weeks or months of
amazing time spent together.
For a man, the CONNECTION does not equal a
relationship.
2) A Man Has More Than One Kind Of "Commitment"
In His Heart
There's something important you need to know
about men and how they "date."
A man can be with a woman, have very strong
feelings for her, and want to spend all his time
with that woman... and be completely content with
the situation only being something he wants to
be in "for now."
A man can even say that he cares for and loves
a woman... but still only have that "for now"
feeling.
On the other hand, when a man feels a different
set of feelings inside himself with a woman, he
can quickly start to feel the "Forever" feelings
where when he builds a relationship with a woman,
it's not with the intention of doing it just "for
now"... but FOREVER.
Now that you know about these 2 important
aspects of how men think... I think you're ready
to see what I mean by the "Instant Relationship"
I mentioned earlier, and how it's a huge mistake
tons of women make with men that drive them away.
The Instant Relationship mistake is when a
woman starts talking, feeling, and acting with a
man in a way that tells him she's already in a
COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP with him - before they
ever have one and the man has developed the
feelings and the desire to truly commit.
when the EXPECTATIONS a woman has for a man
are the kinds of expectations a woman who is in
a long-term committed relationship has of a man,
but there is no commitment yet - it is an instant
attraction killer for a man.
Not only does it kill the attraction a man
feels for a woman... but it actually makes a man
NOT want to explore a relationship with that woman.
For men, when a woman falls into an "Instant
Relationship" with them, it's the #1 turn off and
a guaranteed way to make a man rethink moving
ahead in a more serious relationship.
By the way, you've already heard men talk
about women who make the Instant Relationship
mistake, and you know how men talk and feel about
all this.
This "Instant Relationship" thing is sometimes
just referred to by men as a woman being "needy"
or "clingy."
But the impact of a man seeing or feeling
these things about a woman goes much much deeper
than just words and names.
If you want a man to stay open to you and to
creating a REAL RELATIONSHIP that can and will
grow and last... then I have one simple piece of
advice-
Now that you know what the Instant Relationship
is, and all the behavior that goes along with it
that kills attraction inside men... DO NOT act like
you're in an instant relationship with a man.
That is, unless you want to send him running
for the hills.
To learn exactly what you can do to identify
the right man for you, quickly capture his interest
and attention... and have him PURSUING YOU and
asking you for a more serious relationship, the
secrets I show you in my "Meeting The One" program
will make life and starting your new relationship
with a man fun and easy.
Don't keep repeating the same patterns of
chemistry, dating, and having it go nowhere -
when you can quickly shift things into gear with
a few small changes that will have the man you
want PURSUING YOU for a relationship.
about relationships, and a few tips with you.
I'll start here:
What do you think is the single most important
thing that makes or breaks your new relationship?
I'll tell you-
After that initial ATTRACTION is created and
shared between you both... the single most
important part of your new relationship is the
level of COMMUNICATION you and a man share.
I'll get right to the point regarding how
this important part of relationships is working
out for YOU-
Does the way you and the man in your life
communicate make you feel loved and appreciated?
Or does it only frustrate you and make you
feel sad, alone, and misunderstood?
If you don't know what to say to a man to start
open conversations about your relationship and the
feelings you're both having without triggering him
to pull away... then creating a real relationship
where you can truly love and support each other is
going to be an impossible struggle.
There's an easier way...
Do you know the SECRETS that will make a man
feel excited and inspired to talk, listen, and
share his feelings with you... even if he's never
been this way before in a relationship?
The reality is, most men don't just open up
and communicate the way you want and need them to.
And because of this, lots of women end up
trying to compensate by TALKING MORE and doing
all the "work" in their relationship.
Of course, this just drains you and encourages
the man you're with to WITHDRAW even more.
The things that allow you and a man to listen,
hear and understand each other aren't "givens" in
your relationship.
Just because you have strong FEELINGS for each
other, it doesn't mean you're going to have the
kind of COMMUNICATION you need to make your
relationship truly work and LAST.
More love and sacrifice on your part is NOT
going to make the lack of communication and
sharing you have in your relationship better.
But you're thoughtful and generous for trying
this and caring enough to give even more of
yourself.
Unfortunately, stretching yourself to the point
of frustration and emotional break-down isn't
going to help you - or him.
So then what should you do?
There are a few essential "keys" to building
an "open line" of communication in your
relationship with a man that will prevent him
from closing off, withdrawing, and becoming
distant no matter what happens between you.
Do you know how to share YOUR FEELINGS with a
man (even the most intense ones that scare you
too)so that instead of getting irritated or
freaked out by them... he listens in a supportive
and understanding way?
I've been able to boil down the complex
process of what makes talking and communication
in your relationship work so that the more you
share - the more a man is drawn to you and wants
to give you love and understanding.
At the essence of what makes things work is
the "hidden message" behind what you're saying to
a man that even you aren't fully aware of - but
have everything to do with YOUR FEELINGS and the
response deep down you really want from him.
Each time you try and share something with
a man, and each time he responds to you (or
doesn't)... there's a subtle message being
communicated under the surface.
And this is going on even if you don't see
this right now, or believe it's there or not.
Each communication has what's called a "bid"
to it. And a "bid" is the hidden "subtext" that
is what we REALLY MEAN, or are really asking for.
For example, a man might say to you-
"Honey, I don't feel like talking right now"
and do it with a tone of voice that shows he's
frustrated or annoyed.
This is a "bid."
What a man REALLY MEANS when he says this is-
"I don't know if I have the ENERGY and the
desire to get into this with you, because I'm
afraid it will turn into some big emotional thing,
and I'm not willing to go there with you now."
Of course, most men aren't even fully AWARE
that this is what they're feeling or
communicating. It's just their instant EMOTIONAL
RESPONSE that isn't entirely conscious and thought
through.
Help the man in your life be the one who can
truly hear you and recognize and care for you and
your feelings... and get HIS NEEDS MET at the
same time.
Once you learn how to do this, you will
instantly become that amazing woman a man feels
relaxed, open and "free" around.
Translation - the woman he wants to STAY WITH.
Close the gap between your feelings and what
the man in your life "gets" about you.
Don't wait for things to fix themselves... or
keep waiting for a man to finally "get it" when he
hasn't figured it out after all this time and
effort.
I'm going to ask you a
similar question to the one I asked you earlier.
And I want you to think about it again with
a few things you've already learned here...
Does what you do and say with the man in your
life INSPIRE HIM to want more with you and to open
up in a way he never has before with a woman?
Or does he feel TIRED and DRAINED by you and
your relationship... and he CLOSES OFF the way a
man will when he feels emotionally overwhelmed by
a woman?
Think about him for a second... and try and
put YOUR SIDE of things and what you think he
should be thinking or doing aside.
How is he feeling?
And how is he experiencing you and your
relationship?
Think about it for a few seconds...
Oh, and don't worry - I'll get to talking about
how to make sure YOUR FEELINGS are a priority here
too... and how to get them heard.
In this email I'm going to share with you a few
inside secrets from a man's perspective on how you
could accidentally be getting in the way of the
great connection the man in your life feels when
he's with you.
If this CONNECTION is nurtured in the right
way, it can be the foundation for creating a
great RELATIONSHIP a man will beg you to commit
to with him.
If this CONNECTION is over-analyzed, questioned,
or clouded up by too much fear and anxiety and
questioning... then starting a real relationship
with a man is going to be practically impossible.
I'm sure you've heard of that whole "putting
the cart before the horse" thing.
Trying to get a man to know how he feels and
what he wants in a relationship with you before
he's even had chance to enjoy the CONNECTION you
share and discover what it means to HIM is a sure
fire way to ruin a good thing.
Please... don't do it.
The problem is, most women don't CONSCIOUSLY
choose to put the cart before the horse with a
man.
It's their EMOTIONS that call them to action
and take over.
There's nothing wrong with having your
feelings, or with sharing them.
It's healthy and important to share what's
on your mind and how you feel.
But HOW you share what you think and feel with
a man is what makes all the difference.
I'm going to show you how, without knowing
it, you could be killing that special CONNECTION
and the ATTRACTION a man feels for you.
When you get in the way of what makes a man
FEEL that intense ATTRACTION that drew him to you
in the first place, he'll do something that can
easily spell the beginning of the end-
He'll CLOSE OFF to his DESIRE for you... and
question EVERYTHING about whether you're the
right woman for him to be with and STAY with.
Which brings me to an important question I
want to ask you.
And please, answer this as honestly as you
can... as this is something that can help you
immediately.
Here's the question...
If you have a man who's acting WITHDRAWN and
pulling away from you... could it be possible that
something YOU are doing is somehow keeping him
from feeling INSPIRED to want to be with you?
And that the more you sense his hesitation
and UNCERTAINTY about you and whether he wants
to stay in your relationship... the more you
subtly REACT and RESPOND to this out of fear
and do things that only push him farther away?
Don't accidentally show a man things that will
unconsciously shift his feelings for you to a
"casual" relationship in his mind where he'll only
want to be with you as long as it's easy and
convenient for him.
I call this the "For Now" Relationship.
A man could be with you, be faithful and
committed, but only be thinking of you "for now."
On the other hand... if you know the right
things to say and do that will instantly show
him that you're the kind of woman who he would be
better off with than without... then he'll quickly
shift to what I call a "Forever" Relationship with
you.
This is where a man doesn't just think of you
and love you "for now", but forever.
*Tip: If you're finding that it's EASY to get a
guy interested at first... but HARD to find that
one truly RIGHT MAN and turn your chemistry and
connection into a great and lasting relationship
that LASTS and goes deeper than "for now" in his
mind, then it's time you stopped the common
pattern in your life too many other women share.
I'm talking about the pattern of:
1) meeting a new guy
2) getting instantly wrapped up in your new
"relationship"
3) telling yourself it's different this time
4) finding out it's not that different with this
man than it was with "the others"... even though
he's a good guy
5) trying the same things you've always tried to
fix what's not working so he'll figure it out
6) feeling shocked, drained and heartbroken
(again) when you find your back in the same place
you swore you wouldn't get into after your last
relationship
7) thinking you should give up on men and love
altogether
Why is this pattern so common?
Here's one of the big pieces of the puzzle...
Too many women make the same set of mistakes
early on when "dating" and in new relationships
that literally cause a man to shift his thinking
and feelings 180 degrees back to wanting his
"freedom" and not being "ready" for a real
relationship.
Don't let this happen to you, when you know
you are finally with the right man and you just
need to get your relationship to the right place
for love to keep blossoming.
It doesn't have to work this way where a man
always PULLS AWAY and RESISTS your love and your
relationship.
It can be easy. But only if you learn what
really works with a man and what the few simple
things are a man needs to see, feel, and
experience with you along the way so that he
doesn't question wanting to be with you and only
you.
Don't keep making the single biggest mistake
that causes a man to react and bring an early end
to your growing relationship.
I call this mistake the "Instant Relationship."
I'll explain it briefly like this...
*And here's an article I've posted online that's
all about this mistake, and what to do instead to
draw the right man to you and have him quickly
fall for you and want the kind of relationship
that will grow and last:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/MeetingTheOne
Ok, back to explaining the "Instant
Relationship."
You know how when you meet a man you're sure
is the right one for you... you can just feel it.
When you're together, you feel more comfortable
than you can remember feeling with any man.
You feel like you've known this man most of
your life... even though you've only just met.
And the CONNECTION you share is so amazing and
filled with excitement and CHEMISTRY that there's
no doubt in your mind - this could be the right
one.
As time goes on, you and he fall into a nice
little groove of spending most of your time
together and practically living your lives as
one.
But it hasn't been long at all. A few weeks
or months.
And then it happens-
He does something that let's you know he might
not be truly "in this" with you.
Something about how he talks or acts tips you
off to the fact that something has changed or
shifted about him.
So what do you do...
You ask him about it.
And you ask him to explain why he's acting
weird and different... and you tell him that it's
kind of freaking you out and hurting your
feelings.
You expect him to listen, hear you, and
respond in the sweet and loving way you've known
him to be the whole time you've been with him.
But suddenly he shows you a side of him you've
never seen before.
Suddenly he's no longer open, no longer
affectionate, and you can tell he's holding back
and closed off to you.
You decide to ask him what the deal is, and
what this relationship means to him.
You've got to know. Especially since your heart
is out there on the line... and who knows what's
really going on inside his head now.
But the more you need to hear from him on how
he's feeling... and the more you want to let him
know what's happening for you with all this...
the less he's open to talking.
In fact, the less he even wants to spend time
with you - where before he wanted to be with you
whenever he had free time.
Now he's off wanting to hang out with his
friends, or leaving town, etc.
Or worse, you learn he's out with another
woman.
Argggh... what a jerk!
You can't help wonder what in the world is
going on here, and inside his mind.
And then it hits you after him pulling away
completely-
As much as you knew this was going to be a
great relationship, and you felt how real and
special what you shared was... this wasn't a
"real" relationship at all.
He wasn't really "in it" with you - and his
behavior now shows you that it was this way all
along.
You just didn't see it before.
But he seemed so into you and your relationship,
so how could he have all of a sudden changed his
mind and pulled away?
Let's break it down on what's going on here.
There are a few fascinating things going on
you need to know about...
1) Men have different "Relationship Tempos"
A man can be with a woman, experience an
amazing and special connection with her that
he's never shared with another woman... and he
can have no desire to get into a "relationship"
with her. Even after several weeks or months of
amazing time spent together.
For a man, the CONNECTION does not equal a
relationship.
2) A Man Has More Than One Kind Of "Commitment"
In His Heart
There's something important you need to know
about men and how they "date."
A man can be with a woman, have very strong
feelings for her, and want to spend all his time
with that woman... and be completely content with
the situation only being something he wants to
be in "for now."
A man can even say that he cares for and loves
a woman... but still only have that "for now"
feeling.
On the other hand, when a man feels a different
set of feelings inside himself with a woman, he
can quickly start to feel the "Forever" feelings
where when he builds a relationship with a woman,
it's not with the intention of doing it just "for
now"... but FOREVER.
Now that you know about these 2 important
aspects of how men think... I think you're ready
to see what I mean by the "Instant Relationship"
I mentioned earlier, and how it's a huge mistake
tons of women make with men that drive them away.
The Instant Relationship mistake is when a
woman starts talking, feeling, and acting with a
man in a way that tells him she's already in a
COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP with him - before they
ever have one and the man has developed the
feelings and the desire to truly commit.
when the EXPECTATIONS a woman has for a man
are the kinds of expectations a woman who is in
a long-term committed relationship has of a man,
but there is no commitment yet - it is an instant
attraction killer for a man.
Not only does it kill the attraction a man
feels for a woman... but it actually makes a man
NOT want to explore a relationship with that woman.
For men, when a woman falls into an "Instant
Relationship" with them, it's the #1 turn off and
a guaranteed way to make a man rethink moving
ahead in a more serious relationship.
By the way, you've already heard men talk
about women who make the Instant Relationship
mistake, and you know how men talk and feel about
all this.
This "Instant Relationship" thing is sometimes
just referred to by men as a woman being "needy"
or "clingy."
But the impact of a man seeing or feeling
these things about a woman goes much much deeper
than just words and names.
If you want a man to stay open to you and to
creating a REAL RELATIONSHIP that can and will
grow and last... then I have one simple piece of
advice-
Now that you know what the Instant Relationship
is, and all the behavior that goes along with it
that kills attraction inside men... DO NOT act like
you're in an instant relationship with a man.
That is, unless you want to send him running
for the hills.
To learn exactly what you can do to identify
the right man for you, quickly capture his interest
and attention... and have him PURSUING YOU and
asking you for a more serious relationship, the
secrets I show you in my "Meeting The One" program
will make life and starting your new relationship
with a man fun and easy.
Don't keep repeating the same patterns of
chemistry, dating, and having it go nowhere -
when you can quickly shift things into gear with
a few small changes that will have the man you
want PURSUING YOU for a relationship.
most COMMON mistakes men make:
So first let's talk about what you should - under any
circumstances - NOT do when you're dealing with
women because they will reject you cold and run.
Here are the most COMMON mistakes men make:
1. Asking women out: "Hey, I was wondering if you
wanted to have a drink sometime". Ouch! Bad call,
you never ASK women out.
2. Being NICE. This has got to be the worst of
the worst. Why do guys think that by being nice
to a woman, she will be nice to you later? Look,
you can suck up to your teacher to get a good grade
or to your boss to get promoted but it won't work
with women. It just doesn't create any attraction
so please quit it, NOW!
3. Being CLINGY. Don't call women 3 times a day,
don't send her 8 text-messages a day and please
don't act like you desperately want to hump her
brains out ... even if you do. Be cool!
4. Most guys out there try to complement a good-looking
woman, BUY her all sorts of gifts on the first dates like flowers,
invite her to dinner or take her out to the movies. Women DO NOT
feel attracted to men who behave that way! No flowers, no cuddly-
toys, no chocolate, no cinema-tickets and no gifts whatsoever
until you had sex with her at least once.
No, forget all that: No gifts until you had sex with her at least
10 times. You gotta create attraction and buying shit kills it
within an instant if you do it too early.
5. If you're dating, never ever say "You know, I really like you"
... or even worse "I love you". Remember that, or she WILL run
and not text/call you back.
Those are the biggest No-No's that you could possibly
do to put padlocks on a woman's panties. Now if you keep
doing those mistakes above you deserve some of my
he-bitch man slap dude.
But you have to realize one thing more:
If you do what everyone else does, why the hell would a
woman be interested in you in the first place? You'd be
just like every other boring loser who's trying the same
stuff for the 27th time in the same week.
If you want women feel ATTRACTED to you,
you will need to be DIFFERENT.
Again, this does NOT matter if you're ugly, short, fat,
bald whatever because they don't care if you've got the
personality going.
I know Hollywood, TV and the rest of the Media have
been telling you all that nicey-nice stuff like paying for
dinner, bringing flowers and chocolate and so on.
But this is REAL life, not a disney-movie or a chick flick
with a happy ending. It's time to wake up man, really.
Forget all that junk that people have been trying to drill
into your head for years.
Learn how to play this dating game in a way that will
actually GET you the girl!
circumstances - NOT do when you're dealing with
women because they will reject you cold and run.
Here are the most COMMON mistakes men make:
1. Asking women out: "Hey, I was wondering if you
wanted to have a drink sometime". Ouch! Bad call,
you never ASK women out.
2. Being NICE. This has got to be the worst of
the worst. Why do guys think that by being nice
to a woman, she will be nice to you later? Look,
you can suck up to your teacher to get a good grade
or to your boss to get promoted but it won't work
with women. It just doesn't create any attraction
so please quit it, NOW!
3. Being CLINGY. Don't call women 3 times a day,
don't send her 8 text-messages a day and please
don't act like you desperately want to hump her
brains out ... even if you do. Be cool!
4. Most guys out there try to complement a good-looking
woman, BUY her all sorts of gifts on the first dates like flowers,
invite her to dinner or take her out to the movies. Women DO NOT
feel attracted to men who behave that way! No flowers, no cuddly-
toys, no chocolate, no cinema-tickets and no gifts whatsoever
until you had sex with her at least once.
No, forget all that: No gifts until you had sex with her at least
10 times. You gotta create attraction and buying shit kills it
within an instant if you do it too early.
5. If you're dating, never ever say "You know, I really like you"
... or even worse "I love you". Remember that, or she WILL run
and not text/call you back.
Those are the biggest No-No's that you could possibly
do to put padlocks on a woman's panties. Now if you keep
doing those mistakes above you deserve some of my
he-bitch man slap dude.
But you have to realize one thing more:
If you do what everyone else does, why the hell would a
woman be interested in you in the first place? You'd be
just like every other boring loser who's trying the same
stuff for the 27th time in the same week.
If you want women feel ATTRACTED to you,
you will need to be DIFFERENT.
Again, this does NOT matter if you're ugly, short, fat,
bald whatever because they don't care if you've got the
personality going.
I know Hollywood, TV and the rest of the Media have
been telling you all that nicey-nice stuff like paying for
dinner, bringing flowers and chocolate and so on.
But this is REAL life, not a disney-movie or a chick flick
with a happy ending. It's time to wake up man, really.
Forget all that junk that people have been trying to drill
into your head for years.
Learn how to play this dating game in a way that will
actually GET you the girl!
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